I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
