I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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