The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
They are going to name an STD after you.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
