we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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