As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
