Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
