I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize