I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
