i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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