Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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