i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
you never un-have a 4some
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
