this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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