just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach