dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh