I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy