I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society