Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more