OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
21 People That Are Skilled At Illegal Activities
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.