While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
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when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
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I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"