I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
