so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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