i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
