I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
