And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
