I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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