when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
