I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
