I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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