cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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