I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I said "one day" and that day is not today
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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