Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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