I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
