is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
