Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize