Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
