He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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