my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
