I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just found puke in my bra..
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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