She is in my trunk
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Fuck me I smell like cheese
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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