were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
