A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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