we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Sober January is a disaster.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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