Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
All I want is dick and wine.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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