i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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