You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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