Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I have fence marks all over my body
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
