Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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