So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You dont lie about slip and slides
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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