new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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