sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
My life is pants optional.
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