North Korea, Best Korea!
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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