remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
