I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
