A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
