walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
