you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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