Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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