he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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