if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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