Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
