peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
