so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
