If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
