I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
