she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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