Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
