Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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