Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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