woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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